They Were Stars - John Crichton
Heroic, but flawed jungle ride skipper
Crichton is well known in Farscape circles as a man of action, bravery,
and intelligence. However, he is probably most noted for annoying
his costars with the use of inane statements known as
Crichtonisms. There has been much speculation as to why a well-educated
man would use such a bizarre form of communication. Through the
exhaustive efforts of our researchers and in consultation with experts
in psychiatry, the origin of these statements has been revealed.
have discovered that John Crichton, between acting jobs, spent most
of his time as the skipper of a Jungle Riverboat at Disney World.
Honing communication skills that would serve him well in his acting
career, John spent years developing statements such as:
"You fall out of this boat, I'm not going in after you - that
water's cold as a frog's ass!"
this giant elephant gun? I could shoot a bird from a hundred yards
- slicker 'n snot!"
Crichton was the subject of numerous complaints regarding his unusual
use of southern metaphors during his jungle cruises. Foreign tourists
in particular were often left confused and frustrated by John's
inane statements. Despite Disney's best efforts to salvage the career
of their young skipper, John Crichton was terminated on September
17, 1997 for "inappropriate use of unauthorized and confusing
statements and the general disregard of Disney's time-tested and
much loved Jungle Ride script."
psychiatrists tell us that John Crichton can no longer tell the
difference between aliens on a living ship and foreign tourists
on a fake boat. It is hoped, with much needed therapy, John will
one day regain his sense of reality.
searching Disney and Orlando Sentinel archives for photos of John
piloting his jungle boat, we came across a forgotten story that
may be of some interest to scapers. We believe it is proof that
John Crichton doesn't just play a hero on television, but is one
in real life. See newspaper headline on sidebar.
to Before They Were Stars
perfected his acting skills working as the skipper of a Jungle Riverboat
like this one at Disney World. Former coworkers remember him as
being very unpopular with the foreign tourists, whom he often referred
to as critters.
tells me we're not out of the woods yet, because when you've been
in the jungle as long as I have, you begin to smell. Smell danger
Jeremiah Crichton must have made John quite
quick thinking may have averted a tragedy of historic proportion.
For the compete story click here