Email: Ennixsun@hotmail.com (feedback
would be much appreciated!)
just after IP:Pt 2, a few days after John has died, Aeryn has a
dream on Talyn, which proves to be more than she expected. *SHIPPER
ALERT!* I apologize for the amount of sap in this story but hey
a shipper has to release it all somewhere.
Anything up to IP:Pt2 (if there is any at all)
I don't own the characters etc., I just take them out for an adventure
now and then.
frell am I?"
around slowly taking in the scene. A market. One which tickled her
memory from long ago. The bustling crowds and innumerable examples
of different species on display all seemed familiar somehow. The
roar of landing vessels and the smell of smoky engines, hanging
thick in the spicy air, all tickled her senses with familiarity.
She knew this place; knew she'd been here before, but she didn't
know why she was here now.
a dream." said a sudden voice behind her. Aeryn stopped abruptly.
The voice was again something from cherished memory but this time
clear and sharp. A voice she missed reverently and who's echo tore
her heart in two. She knew who he was.
slowly - an unearthly calm masking her torment - to face John Crichton.
"What are you
Her voice was
full of weariness, as though she was being forced to repeat some
arduous task against her will. After a fleeting glance at his face
she quickly turned her back on the human apparition and continued
to walk down the bustling street.
"Well you shouldn't
be surprised," he countered plainly "I've been in every dream you've
had since it happened."
He wasn't giving
up easily. 'Just like Crichton' she thought sadly, as to her not-too-huge
surprise he began to follow her down the road.
"I think nightmare
is a better name for them, don't you?" she called back over her
shoulder. Her voice was clipped and cold. Her nights had been haunted
by the images of her dead lover ever since she had held him in her
arms as he'd slipped away on board Talyn. Helpless. And now she
held his memory in the midst of terrible nightmares each night in
her bed. Here again the process was about to be repeated, a ghost,
a shadow fooling her heart, making her feel. She couldn't stand
the illusion anymore.
you nightmares now do I?" asked the ghost laughing.
laughed down her nose in reply.
"What do you
think? Having to watch him die over and over again. It isn't exactly
a pleasure trip for me. And now you, some dream some copy, come
to rub it in." She rounded on her stalker angrily. Her eyes flashed
with a sudden pain and passion which had been building up for a
long time, releasing only in the dead of night when she woke from
her torturous sleep shaking, sobbing and covered in sweat. Tears
glistened threateningly in her eyes as she finished,
me alone. Let me mourn you in peace."
Her eyes swept
his face urgently, taking in every detail to fix it all in her memory,
for fear that she would forget them as time went by. She fed hungrily
on each curve and line, drinking in the illusion and allowing her
suffering mind, for a few precious moments, to live in the pretence
surrounding her. John was back. He was alive and well. And he was
with her. Then her resistance returned. Her heart hardened to shield
itself from anymore pain. She turned reluctantly on her heel and
began to slowly walk away.
"I can't do
that Aeryn." John said loudly, once more pursuing at her shoulder,
"I can't go away and do you know why? It's because.." and he cut
in front of the Ex-Peacekeeper preventing her escape. He reached
out to hold her shoulders but she flinched violently at his touch,
so he merely let his hands drop to his side.
he finished quietly "I love you Aeryn and I'm not letting you go
on like this because of me."
Her face froze.
No movement. No visible reaction. Nothing in response to those three
words she had come to crave hearing when he was alive.
Aeryn was breaking apart. What remained of her beaten heart was
finally shattered by four little syllables. Why was he doing this
to her? Why did he keep torturing her, making her remember and miss
him so much more? It hurt her to feel now, to have emotions as she'd
had under his wing, so she'd simply stopped. Cut herself off. Become
the cold hard Peacekeeper she'd been bred to be. And yet here he
was again, the human deficient, her one true love, forcing her to
feel once more. And she did. She felt the pain burn in her chest,
the tears build up ready to overflow down her cheeks, melting her
icy façade. But she kept it all inside. Her features remained set
in stone. If she showed any sign of emotion, she knew she would
into her face. He saw the pain in her eyes, heavy and sad, but he
knew she had to release it all before Aeryn would ever let him rest
in peace. He knew she thought he was a ghost, a dream, a fantasy
created by her weary heart, but he knew differently. He'd watched
over her now since the day he'd died in her warm embrace. He'd stayed
behind to watch over her and consequently had watched her rip herself
apart from the inside. Finally he decided he had to help her, make
It was all
Stark's doing. The Banik had realized Crichton had refused to leave
Talyn and thanks to his unique talents contacted him. When John
explained he wouldn't leave Aeryn in such a fragile state the Stykara
offered his assistance. Thanks to Stark, this was John's one chance
to make Aeryn live again. So standing before her he knew he had
to get it right. All John wanted was to reach out and take the wretched
woman before him in his arms and cradle her in a loving embrace.
Obviously she wasn't prepared for that. Instead he looked into her
face once more and then smiled broadly, hoping to evoke some response.
I at least used to get a reaction from you when I told you that
I loved you." He laughed uneasily, willing her to laugh with
him, begging her to forget.
But her face
didn't smile. Her features remained expressionless. Except for her
eyes. He saw a flicker of pain flash deep within them as she was
reminded of the man she had lost..
don't love me do you?" she whispered hoarsely " Because
you're not him. You're not Crichton! He's gone! You're not
Her voice had
risen to a shout. All the creatures around her had suddenly vanished
and she found herself standing alone in an empty market square with
no-one but her tormentor. Her barrier was broken. A tear cut down
her cheek betraying her defiance. She felt such a strong compulsion
to fall into the familiar arms of this illusion, but she held back,
whispered finally " Just leave me alone."
past her torturer, tears now running steadily down her face. She
stopped in the centre if the square before a large stone monument.
She looked up at it and sighed heavily, lost in thought. In memory.
despairingly after his haunted lover. He didn't know what to do,
she was proving a harder challenge than he had expected. Aeryn was
blinded by her grief, refusing to see him for what he really was,
for what her heart saw him as. He had to pull out the stops; bite
the bullet; take the Peacekeeper by the pulse rifle. For her sake.
her cautiously from behind. He could hear her breaths ragged and
shaking and could clearly imagine her beautiful tear stained face,
staring blankly at the stone before her. He considered saying something
to her, explaining his amazing circumstances, hopefully enticing
some trust through speech. But he realized that this was useless,
she wouldn't listen. Her PK conditioning would never entertain such
fantasies. He'd have to try some other form of communication. One
he knew would penetrate even her new PK defenses. He took a long
steadying breath and steeled his courage. He prayed she wouldn't
struggle, wouldn't run and flee from him once more. But he still
trusted her. Trusted her feelings. He stopped directly behind the
silent Sebacean and softly whispered her name.
There was a
slight pause and Crichton's hopes wilted. Then with a shuddering
breath Aeryn slowly began to turn to face him.
He didn't say
anything, didn't wait for a reply. As soon as she was within his
reach Crichton, grasped the Sebacean's shoulders and pulled her to
him. Swiftly he took her face in his hands and before she could
protest he crushed her lips against his own.
He kissed her
hard. At first he felt her struggle like a trapped animal, but he
held her firmly. This was the only way to prove to her that what
her heart said was right. Then, as time passed he suddenly felt
her struggling cease. Aeryn's body relaxed, she released her grip
on his shoulders and instead slowly curled her arms up and around
his neck, her fingers gripped tenderly in his hair. Oh to feel her
skin so close to his own, it was a feeling he had sorely missed.
One he now took full advantage of. He moved his own hands so one
was entwined in her soft dark tresses as the other lovingly held
her in his arms.
deepened as Aeryn opened herself up to her confined emotions and
lost herself in a contented delirium. It was him. The real John.
How and why she couldn't explain but she knew, with every fibre
of her being, that this was the John she loved. So after her initial
resistance had faded she dropped all her defenses and relinquished
herself to him and the happiness he brought.
apart finally, gasping for breath. Aeryn looked urgently into his
"It's you John.
" she said breathlessly, "It's really you." Her face split into
a smile that touched John's heart. He grinned too.
"So you believe
me now?" he said teasingly
she said quietly "but these past nights, I...."
"I know, I
know" he interrupted soothingly. He didn't want this moment ruining
not by anything.
Aeryn asked with a serious look "I mean how are you here? Did you..."
out and placed a gentle finger on her lips silencing her questioning
that's something you should ask Stark about when you wake up. He'll
be able to explain everything." He smiled down at her. Aeryn
looked thoughtful. Her face changed as a new realization crept into
is only for tonight isn't it?" she asked slowly " You're
not really back are you? This is all just a dream?"
right." he whispered "Just tonight. Bit of a Rogers and
Hammerstein set up right." He laughed halfheartedly. Aeryn
just looked back quizzically.
"Even in my
own dreams I still can't understand you!" she sighed sarcastically.
Crichton feigned a look of hurt.
he said "Well can you understand this?"
He swept her
into his arms once more and kissed her softly. Aeryn responded readily
and they once again lost themselves in their embrace. As their passion
increased, Aeryn felt herself being moved slowly backwards. She
resisted, waiting till she rested on the stone monument behind her;
struck the back of her head. She broke away from John's lips and
drew her hand up to feel for injury. She met his worried eyes. Suddenly
she laughed at the strange - thus, she concluded, 'human' - situation.
the most comfortable position is it?" Crichton laughed. Aeryn shook
her head, smiling broadly, then stopped with a pained gasp.
" Let's go
somewhere less painful huh?" he asked warmly.
asked, confused "How do you know your way around my dream?"
"I don't. But
"I don't understand."
began, wrapping his arms softly around her slim frame " Just close
your eyes and imagine some place else. If Stark is right we should
Aeryn suspiciously " You do know that sounds really, really stupid."
"I know," he
replied " Disney couldn't have written it better! But hey, humour
me. And if it doesn't work, I'm sure we can make this pillar more
exciting." He smiled wickedly and leaned in to kiss her neck, but
she pushed him away.
she sighed and reluctantly closed her eyes. She took a deep breath.
And as Crichton
stared into the calm but disbelieving face before him, he suddenly
realized that their surroundings had changed.
metal, dim lights and the habitual murmurings of a living ship now
lazily as she opened her eyes.
"This is where
I remember you best." she admitted shyly, " Remember us."
" It's perfect."
he whispered softly, as he leaned down and gently kissed her forehead.
happily. She had John back, in the place they'd been most intimate,
where she'd learnt so much about him. So much about herself. And
even if it was only a dream; even if his ghost would leave her after
she awoke; she wasn't going to waste a moment of their precious
time together worrying about the future. She preferred to live in
the past. She reached up, found his lips and kissed him once more.
She felt her legs go weak, at his taste, and her body tingled with
electricity. She felt John's strong arms enfolding her, then slowly
lay her out on the soft bed below. Silence prevailed for some time.
a sleepy Aeryn nestled lovingly in his arms, John lay under the
sheets and realized how little time he had left. He had to tell
her what he had come here to say, even if it meant shattering their
" he whispered softly, stroking her hair.
"Hmm" she replied
"Aeryn, I need
you awake, so I can talk to you. So I can tell you why I'm here."
"I don't care
why you're here, " she replied softly "All that matters is you are
here, with me."
in his embrace and moved to kiss him again. Crichton pulled away
said a little more firmly " I need you to understand something.
He looked at
her pleadingly and Aeryn finally pulled back to look seriously into
"Ok." she said
quietly "Go ahead."
as he stared into the beautiful face in front of him. It hurt him
to think he was causing her so much pain and now here he was bringing
more. But in the end he knew it was for the best. For everyone.
He began tracing
a gentle finger down her soft cheek "Aeryn, you have to let me go..."
to explain why he had returned to her, just for one night, to convince
her she could live without him and to hopefully put her tortured
mind at rest. Looking her in the eye he told her firmly, he was
never really coming back.
It felt to
Aeryn as though he was driving a blade straight through her heart.
She began to cry. He held her and comforted her, promising he could
never forget her and that everything would be okay. He cried too
and Aeryn found herself drying his eyes and promising she would
be okay. She would go on. For him.
" Promise me
Aeryn," he said finally " Promise me you'll go back to Moya and
live again. Don't forget about me, just...put me away for a while.
You'll always have me back," he paused and touched a finger to her
temple, "every time you dream." he finished.
as tears streamed steadily down her face.
she whispered hoarsely.
back, a sincere and relieved smile, and planted a soft kiss on her
As they broke
apart Aeryn felt another tug on her heart as the entirety of her
loss finally hit home. Her breath caught in her chest and she suddenly
let out a great sob,
never coming back are you?" she said tears blurring her vision.
sadly, tears filling his own eyes as he watched her break down.
"No" he whispered
finally " I'm not."
one look at his perfect face and collapsed completely. She sobbed
violently, her head buried deep in his chest. She clung to him for
dear life and it took what felt like an eternity before she finally
quietened enough for her to speak.
"So what do
I do now?" she asked, tears still straining her voice.
into her eyes and softly kissed her lips. Finally he said
" Go to sleep
Aeryn. I'll see you in the morning."
Out of nowhere,
Aeryn was suddenly overcome with tiredness. She felt her mind begin
to cloud as darkness crept round the edges of her brain. Her senses
dulled and an unearthly calm took hold of her fragile emotions.
She took a last look at the human's face, then nodded numbly as
her consciousness clouded. She settled herself into his embrace,
felt his strong arms holding her tightly as she nestled against
his warm chest. And as her eyes closed she sighed, a small contented
sigh, and all she felt was happiness; home. Darkness surrounded
her and Aeryn Sun slept one last time in John Crichton's arms.
She awoke slowly
and opening her eyes realized everyone else on board Talyn was still
sleeping. Only half way through the sleep cycle, arns till she had
to get up. She turned slowly to see the space beside her in bed.
Empty. As it had been now for the past few nights. Ever since John...
Was it true?
Had he really come to her, one last time in a dream? To free her
mind and say goodbye. Or was it all just her imagination, another
cruel illusion created to satisfy her aching heart? She didn't know.
She would have to speak to Stark in the morning. He would know something.
If there was anything to know. Resolved she turned her back on the
empty space and reached up to scratch her head. Her fingers brushed
a small bump there.
"OW!" she gasped
Then she smiled.
out into the darkness of her chamber and whispered softly to the
closed her eyes and drifted back to sleep.
And after a
microt of hesitation, a shadow detached itself from the wall, took
a fleeting look back at his past and finally moved on. Where to
he didn't know...
Contact Ennixsun@hotmail.com (feedback
would be much appreciated!)