(it's a little dark!)
Set after 'Dog With Two Bones', Crichton traces Aeryn to a small
planet, only to find her more changed than he expected......
Only the end of D.W.2.B and the startling truth John learns at
the end of that ep.
YES PLEASE! I'm only 16 and would love to get some tips on how
I could improve my little attempt at fic. And of course praise
is more than welcome...(hee hee, ;.) wink!)
I don't own the characters, Farscape doesn't belong to me (dammit!)...blah,blah........
As he entered
the room John thought it was empty. He was about to return to
the nurse and tell her she'd sent him to the wrong room, when
suddenly he noticed the small figure cowering in the far corner.
white shirt and loose jogging pants contrasted intensely with
the hard grey walls. Though her face was hidden, buried in her
drawn up knees, John knew with a heavy heart that his worst nightmare
had been realised, from the soft raven hair which hung loosely
over her knees and shoulders.
As the door
closed behind him he took in the sparse room. The walls were darkest
grey, made of a panelled metal. Something in their molecular structure
meant that at the slightest touch however they became a cushioned
barrier. In the centre of the room, attached to one wall, was
a stark white bed, complete with the customary restraints. A chair
sat lonely at the other end of the room. John sighed in wonder.
He couldn't believe he was standing in the cell of a mental institution.
steeling his resolve, Crichton took a step towards the cowering
occupant he knew so well. Softly, he whispered her name
shot up violently as her body jumped in surprise. Her eyes were
wide and panicked, her body tense and alert, like some cornered
animal. Her dark hair was mussed and strewn across her face and
her lips mumbled constantly, though no sound escaped them. She
was frail, weak, a mere shadow of the strong, competent woman
he had left behind.
So it was
had traced Aeryn, far across the Uncharted Territories, to this
tiny planet, he'd obviously expected to find her different. After
all she was pregnant, and he was sure she'd be surprised and annoyed
to see him when he arrived. But he'd had to see her. He couldn't
leave things the way they had on Moya. He'd fight for her. Talking
to the locals of this commerce world, where he'd found her Prowler,
he had learned nothing of her whereabouts for five solar days.
Finally one night, he met a local doctor, drinking after a nightshift,
in a local bar. John had enquired about her. He asked if he knew
of a single, pregnant Sebacean offworlder, with dark hair and
a certain 'way with words'. To his delight the doctor knew only
one woman who almost fitted the description. However, this woman
was residing in the local psychiatric institution. Crichton had
steadfastly refused to believe that Aeryn, his Aeryn, would ever
be in such circumstances. He'd laughed it off, told the doctor
he must know another Sebacean with attitude, and left the bar
feeling even lower than usual. Having hope flame for such a brief
period made his body crave the success he still couldn't find.
After a few more days of fruitless searching of every part in
the large city, his desperation finally caused him to follow up
the doctor's information. After all, any lead was better than
nothing, and at least he could prove to the small knot of worry
that had grown in his gut, that Aeryn wasn't in a mental hospital.
She couldn't be. Couldn't be.
brought him here. One tiny room in a five story building, filled
with identical containment chambers, each holding the broken and/or
insane. And looking into those haunted eyes, staring rabidly at
his presence, Crichton knew he'd found his quarry.
my God Aeryn. What's happened to you?"
He took another
step towards her, his feet making no sound on the soft padded
floor. Aeryn immediately sprang to her feet, a coiled spring suddenly
released, and turned away, pawing at the wall desperately trying
to escape through the corner in which she huddled. Small sobs
began to break through the unearthly silence as finally, she slid
once more, in pitiful defeat, to the ground. John slowly approached
her as she huddled against the cold metal wall , shaking her head
and mumbling incessantly
her side, fighting back tears. She shielded her face from his
approaching form by flinging her arm fiercely over her head. Looking
down at her John felt his heart breaking. To see his true love
like some frightened animal, caged in her own fear and pain was
almost too much to bear. But he couldn't leave her, wouldn't leave
her that way. He sank to his knees beside her and in response
she gasped in terror and grappled at the floor with her bare feet.
stop, please!" he cried desperately, afraid she'd injure
herself if she continued in this way, "I'm...I'm not here
to hurt you. It's me! John. Don't you know me? Look at me - John!"
out and tried to turn her shoulder to make her to face him. As
soon as his hand brushed her bare skin she started violently and
cried out as though his touch harmed her. She shrank further into
the wall and with her free hand struck out at him. Crichton jumped
back, then reached out and grasped her shaking hand. This only
made her struggle further.
she sobbed "No! Too hard...hurts. Stop! No!"
to rise to her knees, attempting to run to the door and escape
her capturer. John stopped her before she could get to her feet.
He wrapped one strong arm around her waist, holding her twisting,
trembling form firmly and with the other reached into his breast
want to do this Aeryn " he said breathlessly " but I
have to talk to you. I won't hurt you. I promise."
he raised his arm, holding the glittering Neural Link probe high
above his head in a trembling fist, and in one swift movement
he pushed down her dead, exposing the back of her bare neck, and
thrust the link down into her skull.
shot back in pain. Her eyes were wide, not with fear but agony.
She froze in his arms, her body tensed on her knees like some
grotesque statue. Crichton stared for a microt in horror, then
withdrew his hand and the neural probe with a sharp tug. A small
cry emanated from Aeryn's pale lips. Crichton held her firmly
and softly caught her as her body finally relinquished and crumpled
weakly into unconsciousness.
down in revulsion at the glittering spike in his hand. He'd bought
the device on some seedy commerce plant over a monen ago, as a
way of procuring information from 'unwilling' sources. Of course
he'd never intended to actually use it. The neural link, which
correlated the mind of his victim with his own, was for intimidation
purposes only. Now he realised it bore a new purpose.
his arms, Aeryn looked to John almost as if she were simply sleeping,
contented in his embrace, as she had the night on the fake Earth,
or the odd occasion on Moya. He brushed a stray hair from her
face and was suddenly overwhelmed by the urge to kiss her soft
lips. Lips he'd missed for almost a full cycle. Softly, he traced
his thumb over their smooth elusive skin but resisted anything
further. He had a job to do. Reluctantly he with drew his hand.
as he could he repositioned Aeryn still in his lap as he leaned
himself back against the wall behind him. He reached once more
into his pocket and retrieved a second probe. He sighed deeply
, resolved, and with his free hand grasped Aeryn's lifeless fingers.
coming baby." he whispered and plunged the metal spike up
into his neck. A spasm of pain flitted through his mind before
his sense numbed and his head fell limply to rest on Aeryn's own.
As his senses
adjusted to his surroundings, John found himself bombarded with
images and, to his surprise, feelings and emotions. Memories of
a past not his own collided with recent ideas and situations.
A never ending stream of eclectic information chased it's way
through John's mind confusing his own thoughts. Lights, colours,
feelings and sounds all assaulted him as he desperately attempted
to make some sense of the heavy swamp which swam around him. He
felt the presence of Aeryn's mind, an extension of his own, could
sense her fear and anxiety and a strong desperation to be free.
And somewhere in the back, just out of reach, a sharp taste of
Just as he
was trying to decipher the mysterious whirl of colour, light and
emotion he sensed a presence behind him, attracting his attention.
He knew who it was. He turned to face her.
before him, dressed in the same baggy pants and shirt, the model
mental patient. But her eyes were no longer those of a woman gone
mad. They were alert and clear, and strangely tired. Steeling
his courage he tentatively addressed her,
echoed around him like a hundred bells in a vast cathedral, the
sound reverberating through him like a wave of foam. She nodded
mutely and, reassured, he took a step towards her.
happened to you?" he asked gently.
knew what was happening he watched Aeryn's fist fly towards him
and hit him hard in the face.
was a sensation which tingled in his skin like a flame both terrible
and somewhat desirable. But he had no time to wonder at this enigma
before he felt himself thrown to the ground and Aeryn sat straddled
his chest, glaring angrily down at him. He could feel her rage
burning in his temples, radiating from her like she was a sun,
but in the background he felt a tiny flaw in the solid veneer.
then, her voice rough and disjointed, coming haltingly, as though
she hadn't spoken fluently in a long time and she was only now
learning to do so again.
be...here! Go away! Leave m-me in peace!"
him hard again across the face then rose from his chest, turning
her back to his questioning gaze.
As he rose,
Crichton spoke calmly,
to come Aeryn. You know I did."
agreed...f-fate." she hissed darkly.
we did," he nodded " but that's before I learned your
He came up
behind her now and spoke softly into her ear. He could feel her
anxiety and fear surrounding them like a cloud. He leaned in close,
pausing for a microt to breath in the long lost scent of her dark
hair. Finally he whispered
about your baby?"
As he spoke
the words, John felt a sudden pain spear through them both as
Aeryn acknowledged his question. She turned instantly to face
him, fury burning in her grey eyes. She gazed angrily at his worried
features then without warning her hand reached out and closed
around his throat.
never understand!" she spat venomously and compressed her
fingers, closing his trachea in an iron grasp. For a microt John
stood frozen, shock ringing in his ears. He felt her hand closing
on his throat and in an instant reacted. He grabbed at her wrist
and quickly twisted out of her grasp. She moved to hit him again,
instantly he grabbed her arm and threw her away from him.
make me understand!" he cried angrily. Aeryn
didn't move. She remained standing before him, breathing heavily
her body shuddering, her hands still gripped in dangerous fists.
Then as he watched he saw her fierce stance suddenly melt away.
Her shoulders slumped, her hands relaxed and trembled by her sides.
Her eyes dimmed with fatigue. It was as if all her strength had
suddenly drained from her body. After a moment of staring at this
suddenly pitiful woman he spoke gently
back at him, as though her mind was processing the statement,
then finally she spoke, her voice little more than a murmur
m-made it go" she whispered a sudden tear slicing down her
cheek "they cut me and...and they made it stop." Tears
washed down her cheeks and stained the pale skin. Crichton desperately
tried to decipher her cryptic statement when out of nowhere he
was hit by a sudden wall of solid emotion. His head span as his
body was riddled with an inexpressible feeling of loss. As innumerable
emotions chased their way through his mind, Crichton gasped as
his senses were thrown into overload and he went through a random
series of responses and reaction. Pain, loss, guilt, sadness...
He couldn't take it anymore. A howl rumbled deep in his throat
and finally rose escaping through his lips in an agonised cry.
shot open and he saw Aeryn looking back at him, unperturbed by
his sudden outburst. She continued,
told me...it was wrong. You were bad. Bad. I wouldn't believe,
so...they t-taught me a lesson."
she grabbed the hem of her white shirt in an iron fist and tore
it viciously. What she revealed was a large curved scar, still
quite raw, arching the width of her belly. She ran a cautious
finger over the seared flesh and Crichton felt the pain and longing
pulsing violently in his blood.
his gaze, her eyes shining with the tears which dampened her cheeks.
gone." she whispered finally, "All gone. You. Both You's.
Moya. D'argo. Chiana..." she indicated towards her stomach
and the ghost of her terminated child.
she stated finally "Lost. No-one to help. No-one. Lost."
the tears on his lips. His tears. And hers, mingled together as
one shared feeling of despair and sadness. His heart moaned in
agony. Someone, some bastard, had forced the death of Aeryn's
unborn child. And she had been left with nothing. Nothing except
the agony of losing her baby, and a sense of aloneness to eat
her away day after day.
taken so long to find her! So long that finally she'd become 'lost',
as she so eloquently put it. What could he do? He looked back
at her weary face and gradually he knew. He reached out his hand
here now." he finally managed to whisper, "I've found
brushed the bare skin of her arm. She flinched at his touch but
didn't withdraw. Instantly Crichton sensed the flooding of a thousand
memories sweeping through her mind and imprinting on her soul.
He suddenly felt light headed as her memories flowed into him
and he remembered everything, good times and bad. All the times
they'd spent together, the feelings, the longings. His eyes had
closed and he opening them he heard Aeryn gasp as her eyes fluttered
opened them and looked deeply into his face.
She knew that John loved her and that finally someone had arrived
who would release her from the prison of her own mind. The pain
of the last cycle still lay bare upon her heart, but John's familiar
presence acted like a salve to soothe away some of the pain. What
she was, what she had become, a gibbering wreck of a woman who
had once been so resilient, was merely the result of a life so
torturous her mind had simply refused to tolerate it any further.
So she had receded. Hiding away behind muteness and violent erratic
behaviour. But she was tired of hiding. She wanted to live, if
only to wreck revenge upon the Peacekeeper Retrieval Squad who
had murdered her child. She knew John would help her do this,
and much, much more. All she needed was someone there, someone
who believed she wasn't a traitor or crazy, just hurt. Brutally
hurt. He would do that. She needed him.
her strength Aeryn steeled herself and reached out her hand. She
watched it tremble before her and finally come to rest in the
palm of John's own.
me...back." she whispered softly.
her hand tightly. He had her! He could fetch her back! He cupped
her frail hand in both his strong ones and then cautiously ran
one hand up her delicate arm to rest carefully at the back of
her neck. She leaned into his touch and he felt a warm flutter
in his chest. She wanted to go home. Tentatively she stepped closer
so she was looking up at him. He smiled down reassuringly
he whispered " We're already there."
as her eyes closed and her pale tips curved into a tiny smile.
He felt her relief wash over him like water over a parched throat.
He leaned down and softly kissed her forehead. She sighed contentedly.
John reached down and ripped the link from her neck.
He felt her
warm weight press helplessly against him and he supported her
steadily before the connection severed absolutely and he too fell
back into darkness.
eyes, John immediately realised that Aeryn no longer lay across
his lap. Shaking the cobwebs from his mind he opened his eyes
quickly in panic, but to his relief saw her immediately, crouched
and tensed against the hard white bed which was the only furniture
in the sterile cell in the mental clinic. For a few microts he
simply stared at her, reliving everything that had just happened
during their union. Finally he rose onto his knees. Aeryn recoiled
further. He reached out a hand and his heart froze as he feared
he had lost her once again to her recesses. Softly he whispered
into his eyes and behind the panicked, unseeing expression he
saw a distant pleading for someone, for him, to help.
reached down and picked up her hand from the floor. She did not
pull away. He squeezed it gently and his heart leaped as he felt
the slightest pressure returned to his skin. He looked down at
their joined hands, then quickly back up to meet her now steady
he smiled finally, "Let's go home."