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<< Continued from part 2

Author: Farscape Maniac (FarscapeManiac@hotmail.com)

 

__________________
Part 3: Knife Wounds
__________________

I walked towards her; her hair pulled up in the usual braid. I call over to her and she forces a smile. I smile back. A man in Peacekeeper uniform walked in. I didn't take notice of him, didn't think he was much. That was until he called out a name. Aeryn walked towards me, we had stayed in the place for over a weeken. We had packed and was ready to leave to 'settle down'.

"Aeryn."

She froze on the spot at the sound of his voice. I watched the emotions play on her face. Longing, scared and hurt. She closed her eyes as if trying to rid the feeling in her. A dream she told herself.

He called out again. "Aeryn?"

By this time she knew it wasn't a dream. The voice was real and it affected her in so many ways. For the first time I saw hope in her eyes. I didn't think that was a raw emotion. Yet here she was showing just that.

She had never told me about her past. All I know is that she was Peacekeeper and lived on a ship named Moya for three cycles. That was all. She kept it brief, locked it away inside and never mentioned it. I asked her occasionally testing her. Seeing if she would tell me but every time I asked she dismissed or changed the topic. All I know was her past hurt. I see it in her eyes when she mentions it. She tries to forget but it's always there, inside. One thing she kept from her past was a locket. It wasn't significantly beautiful but she treasured it, she held on to it as if it was her lifeline.

She turned around after he called her name the second time.

"Fancy meeting you here Sunshine." He gave her a grin but his frightened feeling, afraid ness and uncertainty were no doubt there. He was ready for the unexpected.

She breathed in the name, 'Sunshine'. It was important to her. "Joh...Crichton," Her voice wavered at the start causing every emotion to pour out into it but she composed herself, stood straight, shoulders firm, Peacekeeper style. I saw him wince slightly when she called him 'Crichton'. "You look well," she kept it simple, formal and never showing what was truly beating inside of her.

"Um...yeah, you don't look bad yourself," he seemed unsure.

"What are you doing here Crichton?" her voice was cold, or as cold as it could be with the emotion bubbling inside of her.

His features told me that he felt as if a knife was touching the skin just outside of his heart. Not hurt but afraid. "I came looking for you." "

Why Crichton? Why? You said to leave it up to fate so why are you looking for me?" She was no longer calm. The anger was boiling over the top. I had never seen her like this, the side of Aeryn Sun I have never seen.

He grew silent for a while then asked. "Are you happy Aeryn? Are you truly happy?"

She looked straight into his eyes. "Yes I am truly happy."

That knife against his skin plunged deeper. Cutting into flesh. He wasn't afraid, he felt disappointed.

Then he started to talk answering her first question. "I looked for you for a cycle now. A cycle to ask you if you regretted anything, if you wish to take back anything but I guess that's useless. You are happy, I'm happy you are."

I saw hear breathing hitch. This man was important to her. Very important. "Why didn't you stay on Earth?" "Earth?"

He chuckled lightly to himself. "Sure I went back but there wasn't much I wanted there. I was lost, nothing to guide me. No star. So I came back despite danger, despite Dad and DK to find answers to my questions. I got them..." He stopped and then looked confused. "How did you know I went to Earth?"

She swallowed a lump that had formed in her throat. The tears almost overflowing, I've never seen her cry. "I had heard." She said simply.

"So you don't regret anything?" He asked quietly not really wanting to know the answer. He knew what she would say.

She shook her head. If she spoke the tears would flow and her voice would not mask the emotion in her.

"That's what I thought. I regret everything though. Letting you leave, and asking that question." The knife was inserted further. "I'm glad your happy Officer Sun. I'm glad you don't regret anything in your life unlike mine. Good bye." He turned to leave.

"Frell you Crichton!" She yelled at his retreating back. "Frell you for everything! You promise me you would NEVER say that to me!"

The tears were now streaming down her cheeks. "I promised you a lot of things. I promised you to feel, you have that. I promised you, you would be safe, you have that. I promised you to love." There was a pause. "You had that too. But goodbye...it's the end Officer Sun. I got my answers and I'll move on." He didn't turn around through the whole speech. This man 'Crichton' promised a lot; a Peacekeeper would never do that. He was not one but he had the qualities. When he did turn his face was cold and angry. His eyes sparkled with tears. His fists clenched by his sides. Yes, the knife was edging towards his heart. The pain was starting to show. He refrained from screaming.

"What now? You're going to leave? Give up?"

"I came back for you! You obviously don't care, it hurts! Don't you know?? It hurts to be me! To be in love with you, to have watched you die and then found you alive. To be referred to as the frelling copy! I didn't feel like the copy but now...I don't know, maybe I was, I am. Maybe we just weren't meant to be together."

"'He' would have never said that!" Aeryn strained the words I noticed.

He slumped his shoulders and let out a sigh. "No he wouldn't." His voice was calm and quiet. "You know why? Because 'he' was not the copy. He did not lose the love of his life to himself and he did not feel what I have felt for two cycles. I give up simple as that."

Aeryn's face still showed no emotion only for the tears but her eyes, they twinkled with the tears. But beyond that held horror. He had said it but she would not give him the benefit of the doubt she would not lose this fight. "You are not the John Crichton I know!"

"You really think you know 'me' Officer Sun? You think you know me? I have been pushed around by you for three cycles. Everything was my fault, every move was wrong. If I tried something nice, you would kick my ass. You denied anything between us and what did I do? I left it. And then things got complicated. I should have seen it coming but I was blinded by the love. A powerful weapon. You didn't know me. You didn't know the pain." His face was cold. It would surprise Peacekeepers. But no, the emotions, Peacekeepers don't have that. He was most defiantly not Peacekeeper material.

Aeryn said nothing. Beside the tearstains her facial features matched Crichton's.

"The ball was in your court the whole time, Officer Sun. Whatever move you made I followed, end of story."

"Don't call me 'Officer Sun'. I'm no longer a Peacekeeper remember, Crichton changed that." She referred him as a third person.

He smiled sadly. "Yes he did," there was hesitation. "Miss Sun." He walked over and placed two things in her hand. "These kept me going till now. The ball is in my court now, I'll leave because you are happy, content without me. Goodbye Miss Sun."

He turned and walked out. He stopped at the doorway. "Can you honestly say you don't love me?"

There was hesitation in her voice. "I did..." The knife plunged right to the end of his heart. Right through. It killed him there and then. But he walked out head up, shoulders square with confident strolls through the door.

Once he left she fell to the floor. Crying so hard that her body shook. I wrapped my arms around her. In her hand she held on to a disk and a lock of hair. Her hair. She shook her head either to forget or in disbelief. She turned her head to me. Her eyes said it all. I nod.

I asked her, "if things were different..."

"I would still be a Peacekeeper." I let her go. Crichton was her past. One she couldn't let go of. It was just like the locket of hers. He had been her every wish, dream and hope. She held onto him for support, she held him when she felt weak. That was everything. I never heard her say she loved me. Those words I know now where reserved for another heart. I know I lost her, but I never really had her. She loves John Crichton. A competition I can not compete in. He and her have something special. I was never her top priority, John Crichton was no matter if he was the original or the copy. They were the same to her. She knew but stubbornness stopped her. She will not make the same mistake twice but will he forgive her?

Part 4 >>

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