I own nothing at all because I'm not that special.!!
not? I love the stuff. It keeps me writing because it's the best
thing for writers!!
none for the season 3 ending and beyond. Maybe a little for DMD,
and SoD, but I'm guessing that's it.
kid thinks about her mother.
Rating: PG Author
Notes: This story would be through Aeryn's child's point of view.
It's just something that came to my mind one night and here it is.
Now on with
I miss her.
My mother. I do not know why though. She died before I was even
two cycles old. They tell me I look like her. Then again, they tell
me I look like HIM. HE is just another empty face in my memory,
but I do not really miss him... at least not today.
They tell me
she was strong, fearless, and righteous. They tell me she was like
the phoenix, rising from the ashes. She made a life for herself
when everything was taken from her... three times. At least that
is what they tell me.
I mean, I would
not know. Pilot and Moya have always let me watch some of the vids
they find of her, or just the ones they decide I can watch. They
tell me that after the accident most of them had been destroyed
in hopes of me never finding something I might misinterpret. That
right there is a whole bunch of dren and I know it. They are not
protecting me, but rather themselves.
I do not blame
them though. I can see it in Pilot's eyes when he says her name
or talks about something she had done. I think he loved her. My
mother. I think Pilot loved my mother, therefore Moya loved her.
They seemed to have some sort of connection that I could only dream
of. Pilot, strange as it might seem, is more of my father figure
then anyone else on this boat. I think it is because Moya is so
much more my mother as anyone else. Pilot and Moya seem to have
such a more 'married' feel to them. I think they do serve me well
and I can only hope I serve them just as well.
Anyway, my mother.
They tell me she broke off from the peacekeepers. They do not tell
me why. They just tell me never to go to those monsters. They say
that my mother would never want me to go there. Never be one of
them. A Peacekeeper.
is when her world was destroyed the first time. She left a life
she had known for cycles. She deserted the organized and definite
world for one that was every changing and brand new to her. She
went from hating different races and 'inferior races to living and
depending on them. She strived from that life and into another to
blossom and grow. I know this. I actually saw some of the earlier
vids. I saw her constant disdain and hatred toward the others, especially
that one sebacean male. I do not' understand that one though. She
seemed so angry towards him and so vengeful in the beginning. She
even seemed more ... tolerant, toward the Luxan warrior. Then something
happened. She changed. She was more accepting towards the sebacean
male. I do not know what happened... they tell me he saved the ship.
They tell me she, my mother, almost died. Then again, they tell
me a lot of things.
Like the second
time my mother had to start over. She actually died this time. The
story behind it was crazy though. They told me that she and that
sebacean male had become lovers without the sex. I did not get it
at first, but then I went back and watched them. It looked like
they were trying so hard not to show the feelings that everyone
knew they had for each other, with of the exception of course of
themselves. I think this is why I miss my mother more then HIM.
I watched her as she learned things. I saw her as the dark beautiful
strong person they all said she was through the vids.
they were "lovers" and then he killed her. I heard the recordings
of that day. The sebacean, no what did they call him. A human, he
was human and he had gone insane. He had been 'taken over' by something
in his head. My mother tried to save everyone from whatever he was
doing. She had gone out in her fighter to bring him down and instead
he brought her down, permanently. He killed her.
that was one of the saddest days of his life. He claims that it
seemed that the world stopped that day. I think that prior to her
death, he believed her invincible. I mean, before that she always
pulled through even if the odds were impossible, she made it. That
day ruined that thought for him and for Moya, I guess. Her dying
became a possibility for the first time.
a miracle, she made it through. Zhaan gave up her life for my mother.
She went into unity with her and gave my mother the spiritual energy
she needed to live.
my mother's second resurrection was because the foreign human had
killed her and as a result of her death, he did not want to live
anymore. Then comes Zhaan, she brought both of them back at the
cost of her own life. Think about it, is not it a lovely way to
die and leave everyone behind in turmoil.
I do not want
to know what it was like for my mother. I know Pilot kept watch
over her during the sleep cycle. I saw the few vids that he kept
of her. I could hear her crying, but never saw it. I could almost
feel the torturous emotions and thoughts that coursed through her
during these moments alone. I never saw her mourn in front of anyone
though. I do not think anyone ever saw her cry, saw her be vulnerable.
That's just another thing about my mother. She was strong as a rock.
Unmovable and Steely, maybe even she seemed cold at times, but I
knew better. I heard her when no one else did.
happened. There were two humans. Then one again, but the crew was
cut in half. That crazy Bannik left along with Rygel and my mother.
They were gone for nearly a quarter of a cycle. When she came back
though, Moya had changed and my mother seemed to have died again.
I do not know what happened, no one really wants to talk about it.
All I know is that the other human had died leaving that one that
remained on Moya with a mission that killed almost everyone.
The Nebari had
been killed in the fight, as well as the Luxan. Rygel told me their
names once, I just never wanted to remember them. Jool stayed with
Moya, waiting for the injured that everyone knew was going to come.
Rygel, just didn't go. I can't believe he wouldn't go, for such
a small creature, he's one of the most self-giving people in my
life, I guess he must of really changed.
when they returned, it was only my mother and HIM. It is ironic
I think. My mother was so close to the human, and then when she
came back and the other him died she distanced herself from him
as if she already knew he would die and did not want to get involved.
He had tried so hard to gain her attention again. Then during those
last weeks, before they left to attack a command carrier, he got
all the attention he wanted. Then the deficient human had to go
get himself killed, leaving her with someone that he obviously did
not like. What fun!
I guess in a way this is how my mother once again came from nothing.
Everything changed for her. The only people on Moya, besides Pilot,
were Rygel, Jool, my mother, and HIM. She had to make her life up
again. I do not think it ever was the same again. My mother was
broken and it seems that HE helped her heal. HE was just there to
understand. It seems that HIS understanding was enough.
Then I was conceived,
it seemed that it was a happy time. HE was more a person then a
machine. My mother had gotten over the worst of her depression.
Rygel was more as he is now. Jool was the protective and intelligent
person I know now. I like watching those times. They are filled
with the people I know, the people I love, before I was ever born.
It was more comforting to watch these times rather then anything
I saw my own
birth. That is actually who I learned about birthing. Watching myself
be born. Let me tell you I will never do that. My mother was there
for me. I know that because I saw it. I saw the love for me when
I was put in her arms. I cannot not love the mother I never knew
when I see those parts of my life that I do not remember.
to my mother? The one that looked like she would die for me without
a second thought? She died because some frelling merchant had a
grudge against sebaceans. He could not let go of something that
happened years before. The frelnick shot both my parents and I was
not even there. My mother kept me on Moya for protection. Jool was
watching me. I never got to see my mother. They did not save the
funeral for me to watch. I do not think they could deal with it
around. It would have been just a sad reminder for them. A reminder
that no one wanted.
Either way there
is my mother. The woman that gave birth to me. She should have been
here with me. I should not be missing her as much as I do. She should
be here every night. She should have been around when I needed that
mother to tuck me in at night and make me feel safe and secure,
like the world I live in is not falling apart before everyone's
eyes. However, my mother was never there to say goodnight. I cannot
tell her all my troubles, I cannot scream at her when I just need
someone to scream at. She has missed so much, but I cannot help
missing her and feeling sorry for her for losing so much with me.
She never gets to hear my goodnight. She cannot be around when I
say good-morning. When I think about it, it just makes me miss her
even more. Nevertheless, I guess I idolize her either way. She was
a beautiful warrior that withstood much and lived through three
lifetimes. She was destroyed and near death more times then I have
ever seen someone die. I just hope that I make her proud wherever
she is. I just wish I could hear a goodnight that I know is there.
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