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Rating: Um, maybe PG13 for the language.

Spoilers: probably

Disclaimer: I don't own these characters (though I really wish I did) or their actors so don't sue me! Any others I DO own but ya can borrow her if ya ask nice + give me credit.

Author's Note: This is based on a dream I had when I was recovering from the flu. It is really warped + I doubt they're like this in real life!!! When I put the initials of a person followed by 'ts', I'm showing their thoughts. This fanfic is set after Season of Death, but Zaahn is NOT dying, Jothee isn't here, and Jool hasn't arrived yet.

 

Moya: Maintenance Bay 3

 

(Aeryn is working out in the maintenance bay. Behind her, Crichton is doing something technical to his Farscape 1 Module.)

 

Aeryn: (frustrated) Must you be so frelling noisy? I'm trying to concentrate over here!

Crichton: (looking up, he bangs his head on the Module) OW! Aeryn, I'm being a quiet as I can. What's there to concentrate on anyway, you're only working out!

(Aeryn stops what she is doing and turns to face him. She is VERY angry)

JCts: Oh CRAP, what the frell did I do THIS time? She's gonna pantak jab me or something...

Aeryn: Only working out?

Crichton: Yeah, why can't you do it elsewhere anyway? You've been following me around pretty much 24/7 lately!

JCts: Please don't hit me, please, please, PLEASE don't hit me...

(Aeryn begins to walk closer to Crichton with her hands on her hips and a furious expression on her face; Crichton backs away, until he bumps into the module again)

Aeryn: (her voice rising) I suppose I should just leave you alone then should I?

Crichton: I didn't mean

Aeryn: YES YOU DID! SO YOU WANT ME TO LEAVE YOU NOW, IS THAT IT? WELL FINE! IF THAT'S THE WAY-

Pilot: (over the comms) I'm sorry to disturb you, but you're both needed up in command.

Crichton: (extremely relieved)Be right there pilot!

(Crichton sprints past a still furious but slightly pacified Aeryn and up to command, almost tripping over a DRD as he goes...)

JCts: Thank you GOD she didn't hit me! Now, if I can just make it to command where the others might stick up for me... OH DEAR GOD SHE'S CATCHING UP!

(He rounds a corner at high speed and really does trip over a DRD this time. He is still on the ground when Aeryn runs up, and she trips over too.)

Aeryn: Watch where you're going!

(She stalks off, leaving a bewildered but gratefully uninjured Crichton behind)

 

Moya: Command

 

(Everyone is there watching Pilot on the clam shell. Aeryn glares at Crichton as he walks up to her, and he quickly changes direction and stands next to Chiana)

Crichton: What's up Pilot?

Pilot: We seem to have received some kind of transmission. Moya's scanners indicate than there are no vessels or planets within range to send it.

D'Argo: Can you play it Pilot?

Pilot: Certainly. Beginning now...

 

(the crew are silent as the view screen flickers on, as the images appear Crichton gasps)

 

Crichton: Wait Pilot, guys that's from Earth! I used to watch the X files!

Zaahn: Are you certain?

Crichton: Yeah,

Rygel: What the yotz have files of X got to do with anything?

Aeryn: Pilot, can you track the transmission?

Pilot: Not exactly, but I think we may all have to view this.

Chiana: Great! Do I still have to make dinner?

Stark: Why?

Pilot: The contents are intriguing, and more than a little perplexing.

Crichton: OK... Pilot can you play the rest please?

Pilot: Certainly, Moya also wishes to view this.

 

(Everyone seats themselves around command, Chiana with D'Argo, Zaahn with Stark, Rygel near the back on his own and John at the front. To his surprise, Aeryn sits next to him)

 

JCts: Peacekeeper PMS...

 

(the viewscreen flickers on to a black screen)

 

Crichton: I thought there was visual on this.

Pilot: There is, but it fades in and out; my DRDs are attempting to restore the signal.

Crichton: Kinda like adjusting the aerial huh?

(the crew all give him funny looks)

Crichton: (sigh) never mind...

 

(The viewscreen flickers on to reveal an ordinary looking earth kitchen, complete with radio, tv and kettle)

Crichton: hmm... different channel

(This earns him yet more weary but curious glances)

 

On the transmission:

(the tv is on and the bearded news reporter is telling everyone that three kids have been injured and another killed in a 12 car pile up in downtown Sydney)

 

A mischievous looking black cat comes into view and mews at the tv before jumping on the worktop. A familiar female voice says sternly:

 

ffv: Get down from there!

 

On Moya everyone looks at Aeryn, who just looks shocked.

 

other aeryn: (laughing as she comes into view wearing a summery blue top, lilac shorts and white sandals) All right all right I'll feed you!

 

Another voice sounding suspiciously like Chiana giggles and says:

 

I still can't believe you named your cat after your character Claudia!

Claudia: Oh come on Giggles! It's better than naming that god awful iguana Aeryn!

Gigi: What DID you call it anyway?

Claudia: Crichton. I thought it was rather fitting.

(this earns her a snort of offended disbelief from JC)

Gigi comes into view smiling and holding a drink.

 

Gigi: (giggles) Yeah, 'specially as it spends most of it's time scared shitless of her under the sofa!

(both laugh)

 

A male voice chorltes and, to the crew's surprise, Scorpious's voice says

You know Ben, I think they're winding you up again.

Ben: 'Course they are, what else would they be doing?

 

On Moya:

Everybody now looks at Crichton, especially surprised at how jovial he seemed in Scorpy's presence.

 

On screen everybody laughs

 

Gigi: Hey Lani! What're you doing up so early? It's only 11:15!

Lani: Very funny.

 

On Moya: Chiana: That's gotta be Crais!

 

On screen:

TV guy: And finally, this afternoon, the biggest sci-fi convention on record will commence in the Sydney Opera house...

Claudia promptly drops the can opener and turns the volume on the tv up.

Claudia: Guys, we're on!

Everyone goes quiet to listen to the reporter

TV guy:... the guest list includes the cast and crew of one of our most popular sci-fi shows, Farscape. Also billed are...

Ben: That's it? That's all they're sayin'?

Gigi: (turning the tv off in disgust) The sure know how to talk us down!

Claudia: If I really was Aeryn, I'd go 'round and fry that guy!

A neutral english voice adds: I wouldn't be far behind there C!

Wayne: If you really were D'Argo, you'd get there first!

Anthony steps into view and gives D'Argo rather a shock.

Anthony: (in the more familiar D'Argo growl) Come on you guys, D'Argo ROCKS!

 

The crew of Moya sit gaping first at Anthony, then at D'Argo.

 

Lani: (smiing) Any news from our two hell's angels?

Anthony: Not that I've heard. When's the conference start anyway?

Claudia: (turning back to the cat food) three

Ben: Rocket and DK are comin to pick us up.

Gigi: Bet they're late.

 

On Moya

 

Crichton: DK? What the frell?

 

On screen

 

A low rumbling is heard from the window, Cllaudia looks out and smiles, broadly.

Claudia: they're here!

Lani: Remember when Virginia and Paul stayed in costume over lunch and chased each other around Homebush on their bikes?

Gigi: God, that was SO funny!

Claudia: yeah!

Virginia: Hello people!

 

On Moya

 

Rygel: That's ZAAHN?!

 

On screen, a bald, smiling woman decked out in heavy black leather, dumps her helmet on the table and gives Claudia and Gigi high fives.

Paul: Are we late?

 

On Moya

 

Aeryn: STARK????

 

On screen

Ben: You're always late Paul! Hey, I like the jacket, what's it say?

Wayne: "Banik Devil Driver" cool!

Gigi: Hey, Virginia's got one too!

Claudia: " Delvian Hell's Angel" wicked!

 

On Moya, everyone stares in total disbelief at Zaahn and Stark, who both look just as dumbfounded. Then Crichton's expression changes, and, turning to Aeryn incredulously, he says:

WICKED?

 

On screen, at the very same moment, Ben asks the same question of Claudia.

Claudia: What's wrong with wicked?

Paul: here we go again...

Ben: Nothing, it's just...

Lani: Bet you a dollar that Claudia goes down first.

Claudia: Just WHAT?

Virginia: I'll take those odds!

Ben: Really tacky...

Claudia: Oh it is, is it? I'll show you tacky!

She chases Ben out of the dor and into the garden

Wyane: what are they doing?

Ben:AAAAAAHHH!

SPLASH!

Gigi: Claudia pushed him in the swimming pool...

Virginia: HAH! I won!

Claudia: AAAAAAHHH!

SPLASH!

Gigi: Don't count your chickens V, he's pulled her in...

Lani: C'mon Ben, gives us a victory for the guys!

Virginia: For once!

Ben: OOOOOW!

Gigi: That HAD to hurt...V, you won.

Lani: DAMN!

Gigi: SHH! They're comin' back...

A very wet but smug Claudia struts in, and, much to Aeryn's surprise, says

MUAHAHAHA!!

Following her is an extremely bedraggled and very drenched Ben, who says

GRR ARG!

They both grin

Gigi: And I'm supposed to be the immature one? Geez!

 

The screen fades out to joyful laughter

 

On Moya

 

Crichton: Woah!

 

END OF PART ONE

Contact Aeryn's Sista Fireflash

 

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