Rating: Um, maybe PG13 for the language.
Disclaimer: I don't own these characters (though I really wish
I did) or their actors so don't sue me! Any others I DO own but
ya can borrow her if ya ask nice + give me credit.
Author's Note: This is based on a dream I had when I was recovering
from the flu. It is really warped + I doubt they're like this
in real life!!! When I put the initials of a person followed by
'ts', I'm showing their thoughts. This fanfic is set after Season
of Death, but Zaahn is NOT dying, Jothee isn't here, and Jool
hasn't arrived yet.
Moya: Maintenance Bay 3
(Aeryn is working out in the maintenance bay. Behind her, Crichton
is doing something technical to his Farscape 1 Module.)
Aeryn: (frustrated) Must you be so frelling noisy? I'm trying to concentrate
Crichton: (looking up, he bangs his head on the Module) OW! Aeryn,
I'm being a quiet as I can. What's there to concentrate on anyway,
you're only working out!
(Aeryn stops what she is doing and turns to face him. She is VERY
JCts: Oh CRAP, what the frell did I do THIS time? She's gonna pantak
jab me or something...
Aeryn: Only working out?
Crichton: Yeah, why can't you do it elsewhere anyway? You've been
following me around pretty much 24/7 lately!
JCts: Please don't hit me, please, please, PLEASE don't hit me...
(Aeryn begins to walk closer to Crichton with her hands on her hips
and a furious expression on her face; Crichton backs away, until
he bumps into the module again)
Aeryn: (her voice rising) I suppose I should just leave you alone
then should I?
Crichton: I didn't mean
Aeryn: YES YOU DID! SO YOU WANT ME TO LEAVE YOU NOW, IS THAT IT? WELL
FINE! IF THAT'S THE WAY-
Pilot: (over the comms) I'm sorry to disturb you, but you're both
needed up in command.
Crichton: (extremely relieved)Be right there pilot!
(Crichton sprints past a still furious but slightly pacified Aeryn
and up to command, almost tripping over a DRD as he goes...)
JCts: Thank you GOD she didn't hit me! Now, if I can just make it
to command where the others might stick up for me... OH DEAR GOD
SHE'S CATCHING UP!
(He rounds a corner at high speed and really does trip over a DRD
this time. He is still on the ground when Aeryn runs up, and she
trips over too.)
Aeryn: Watch where you're going!
(She stalks off, leaving a bewildered but gratefully uninjured Crichton
(Everyone is there watching
Pilot on the clam shell. Aeryn glares at Crichton as he walks
up to her, and he quickly changes direction and stands next to
Crichton: What's up Pilot?
Pilot: We seem to have received some kind of transmission. Moya's
scanners indicate than there are no vessels or planets within
range to send it.
D'Argo: Can you play it Pilot?
Pilot: Certainly. Beginning now...
(the crew are silent as the view screen flickers on, as the images
appear Crichton gasps)
Crichton: Wait Pilot, guys that's from Earth! I used to watch the
Zaahn: Are you certain?
Rygel: What the yotz have files of X got to do with anything?
Aeryn: Pilot, can you track the transmission?
Pilot: Not exactly, but I think we may all have to view this.
Chiana: Great! Do I still have to make dinner?
Pilot: The contents are intriguing, and more than a little perplexing.
Crichton: OK... Pilot can you play the rest please?
Pilot: Certainly, Moya also wishes to view this.
(Everyone seats themselves around command, Chiana with D'Argo, Zaahn
with Stark, Rygel near the back on his own and John at the front.
To his surprise, Aeryn sits next to him)
JCts: Peacekeeper PMS...
(the viewscreen flickers on to a black screen)
Crichton: I thought there was visual on this.
Pilot: There is, but it fades in and out; my DRDs are attempting to
restore the signal.
Crichton: Kinda like adjusting the aerial huh?
(the crew all give him funny looks)
Crichton: (sigh) never mind...
(The viewscreen flickers on to reveal an ordinary looking earth kitchen,
complete with radio, tv and kettle)
Crichton: hmm... different channel
(This earns him yet more weary but curious glances)
On the transmission:
(the tv is on and the bearded news reporter is telling everyone that
three kids have been injured and another killed in a 12 car pile
up in downtown Sydney)
A mischievous looking black cat comes into view and mews at the tv
before jumping on the worktop. A familiar female voice says sternly:
ffv: Get down from there!
On Moya everyone looks at Aeryn, who just looks shocked.
other aeryn: (laughing as she comes into view wearing a summery blue
top, lilac shorts and white sandals) All right all right I'll
Another voice sounding suspiciously like Chiana giggles and says:
I still can't believe you named your cat after your character Claudia!
Claudia: Oh come on Giggles! It's better than naming that god awful
Gigi: What DID you call it anyway?
Claudia: Crichton. I thought it was rather fitting.
(this earns her a snort of offended disbelief from JC)
Gigi comes into view smiling and holding a drink.
Gigi: (giggles) Yeah, 'specially as it spends most of it's time scared
shitless of her under the sofa!
A male voice chorltes and, to the crew's surprise, Scorpious's voice
You know Ben, I think they're winding you up again.
Ben: 'Course they are, what else would they be doing?
Everybody now looks at Crichton, especially surprised at how jovial
he seemed in Scorpy's presence.
On screen everybody laughs
Gigi: Hey Lani! What're you doing up so early? It's only 11:15!
Lani: Very funny.
On Moya: Chiana: That's gotta be Crais!
TV guy: And finally, this afternoon, the biggest sci-fi convention
on record will commence in the Sydney Opera house...
Claudia promptly drops the can opener and turns the volume on the
Claudia: Guys, we're on!
Everyone goes quiet to listen to the reporter
TV guy:... the guest list includes the cast and crew of one of our
most popular sci-fi shows, Farscape. Also billed are...
Ben: That's it? That's all they're sayin'?
Gigi: (turning the tv off in disgust) The sure know how to talk us
Claudia: If I really was Aeryn, I'd go 'round and fry that guy!
A neutral english voice adds: I wouldn't be far behind there C!
Wayne: If you really were D'Argo, you'd get there first!
Anthony steps into view and gives D'Argo rather a shock.
Anthony: (in the more familiar D'Argo growl) Come on you guys, D'Argo
The crew of Moya sit gaping first at Anthony, then at D'Argo.
Lani: (smiing) Any news from our two hell's angels?
Anthony: Not that I've heard. When's the conference start anyway?
Claudia: (turning back to the cat food) three
Ben: Rocket and DK are comin to pick us up.
Gigi: Bet they're late.
Crichton: DK? What the frell?
A low rumbling is heard from the window, Cllaudia looks out and smiles,
Claudia: they're here!
Lani: Remember when Virginia and Paul stayed in costume over lunch
and chased each other around Homebush on their bikes?
Gigi: God, that was SO funny!
Virginia: Hello people!
Rygel: That's ZAAHN?!
On screen, a bald, smiling woman decked out in heavy black leather,
dumps her helmet on the table and gives Claudia and Gigi high
Paul: Are we late?
Ben: You're always late Paul! Hey, I like the jacket, what's it say?
Wayne: "Banik Devil Driver" cool!
Gigi: Hey, Virginia's got one too!
Claudia: " Delvian Hell's Angel" wicked!
On Moya, everyone stares in total disbelief at Zaahn and Stark, who
both look just as dumbfounded. Then Crichton's expression changes,
and, turning to Aeryn incredulously, he says:
On screen, at the very same moment, Ben asks the same question of
Claudia: What's wrong with wicked?
Paul: here we go again...
Ben: Nothing, it's just...
Lani: Bet you a dollar that Claudia goes down first.
Claudia: Just WHAT?
Virginia: I'll take those odds!
Ben: Really tacky...
Claudia: Oh it is, is it? I'll show you tacky!
She chases Ben out of the dor and into the garden
Wyane: what are they doing?
Gigi: Claudia pushed him in the swimming pool...
Virginia: HAH! I won!
Gigi: Don't count your chickens V, he's pulled her in...
Lani: C'mon Ben, gives us a victory for the guys!
Virginia: For once!
Gigi: That HAD to hurt...V, you won.
Gigi: SHH! They're comin' back...
A very wet but smug Claudia struts in, and, much to Aeryn's surprise,
Following her is an extremely bedraggled and very drenched Ben, who
They both grin
Gigi: And I'm supposed to be the immature one? Geez!
The screen fades out to joyful laughter
END OF PART ONE