You asked for it, here it is. Although I seriously doubt this is what any of
you was expecting. So please take it all with a grain of salt and let me now
what you think.

Rating: PG-17



(Pilot's Chamber - a few microts after TBO3)

A veritable swarm of DRDs surrounded the hunkering bodies of the little
Nebari and Officer Sun. For once, it wasn't Pilot's doing.

/Yes Moya, I know./ The waves of worry had been washing over him for the
past weeken in an ever increasing spiral. /I feel her pain as well. But she
will not listen to us. Or anyone else for that matter. It is as if she
wanted to open up one microt then retreated into a shell of her own the
next. I fear I am having the same success as young Chiana./ Then again...


'I love sex.'

/What?!! Wait a micr.../ 'Aeryn?' She had given in finally. Watching Aeryn
suffer, holding her while she was keening, had broken down her already
meager defenses and Chiana joined the flow of tears. But this she wasn't
expecting. 'Aeryn what did you say? 'Cause I thought I heard...'

Aeryn'voice was stronger this time. Resigned. ? 'I love sex. That is how all
of this started.' Her face turned upwards to meet Chiana's incredulous eyes.
'I am as female as you Chiana. Only not as obvious about it.'

Oh, this was good. She had no idea where it had come from, and meeting
Pilot's eyes across the chamber Chiana was sure neither did he, but this was
way too good. She hoped he had the sense to record it.

'What? You think because I was a Peacekeeper I was less inclined to have a
good time with a male? Or more than one?' The Nebari's eyes just grew wider
and wider with each declaration. But Aeryn seemed not to notice the reason
behind it. 'It was because I was a Peacekeeper that I valued every
encounter. And actively looked for the oppotunity to recreate. I loved it.
Relished it. But that's all it was. Sex. And then it all changed.' The
wariness that had invaded her eyes before seeped through once more. Chiana
listened on, mesmerized. 'An inferior species crashed into my life turning
everything upside down. I was declared irreversibly contaminated and set
apart from my own race forever! I would never know the touch of another
Sebacean male again. That, I resented very much.'

Her breathing was becoming more labored as she reminisced. Aeryn took a deep
breathand cosed her eyes, trying to calm her frayed nerves. After a microt,
she opened her eyes again and continued. 'But John was here. He was always
around. It seemed as if everything revolved around him one way or the other.
Whether good or bad, he was at the center of things at all times. Amazingly
enough, he came through it all with ease. He laughed for the most ridiculous
reasons and faced every ordeal, every setback with a smile on his lips. And
I couldn't help but notice how much he resembled a Sebacean male. He was
alien, to be sure. But he looked so Sebacean. So much like home. And I was
so lonely.' Her voice faltered a little, but she kept on going. 'It took me
some time to accept the idea of recreation with him. You know what
Peacekeepers think of inter-species mating. But I needed a male. And there
was no way back for me. So I made up my mind to approach him about it. Then
Gilina showed up. And I knew it wasn't about sex anymore.' Aeryn seemed
calmer now. There was a rueful smile on her lips. That, at least, was
something. Chiana breathed easy for the first time in she didn't know how
many arns. She sat back and let the former PK lean on her. She wanted to
know what had brought this confession on, but at the same time she very much
wanted to hear it all. Smutty details included.

Aeryn gathered her freefalling hair in a lose braid before continuing. Her
hands still trembling occasionally. She resumed her tale as she finished
tucking a few stray hairs behind her ears. Something John normally... /No,
don't go there yet./ Thought Chiana. /Give her time./


As Officer Sun's deeptoned voice carried over to Pilot, he couldn't help but
wonder if, throughout the cycles, they had come to know Aeryn at all. Every
word she uttered, every moment remembered, it seemed to be someone elses
life. Commander Crichton surely had, but then again, Comander Crichton had
died. And the one left to them all had had too much happen to him, and too
much rejection from the object of his desire to truly know her as he should
have. And now Pilot was not sure Crichton would ever get the chance he so
desperately wanted.


'You see Chiana, recreating is not about feeling. It's about relieving
tension. About pleasure. Adrenaline. Recreation is more often than not fast
and violent. You do it and that's it. So you can imagine my surprise when I
felt jealous of Gilina. I didn't even know what jealousy was let alone how
to cope with it. I only knew seeing them together made the pit of my stomach
burn and made my whole body tense inmediately. Not only that, but I felt an
irrational rage at John. He was the cause of that feeling. I didn't know how
but he was to blame. So I acted accordingly. That, in a not-shell as he
would say, is my story with John.

Through Gilina, Namtar, that time in the Flax,' /The flax? What happened in
the flax?/ Chiana's mind was reeling. It had all gone absolutley not as she
intended. Now she was learning all this about the mindfrell relationship of
all relationships, when all she wanted was to help these two to actualy have
a relationship. But first they had to save John from himself. 'Katralla...
I was even jealous of you at one point. Oh, how I wanted to space you for
trying to frell MY male. <chuckle> All those times and more, I felt desire,
jealousy, lust. All directed at John. Eventually we started to get closer to
each other. How he ever had the patience to stand my constant advancing and
retreating I'll never know. There a few times when we almost acted upon
those feelings, but through it all John kept asking me what did I want. And
making very clear that he wouldn't be satisfied with sex alone. Of
recreation there was not even mention. We did have one precious moment...
but it got all twisted by mistrust, and hurt. That all changed when John got

This was all a little too much fro Chiana. She came here to convince Aeryn
to help them bring John back, not to play Zaahn to the emotionally unstable
Sebacean. But she had the feeling interrupting her right now would only
cause more problems. Frell!! Why couldn't anything ever go the way they

Aeryn's voice brought the young Nebari out of her reverie. 'It wouldn't have
mattered, you know? No matter which John had come aboard Talyn, it would all
have played the same. I was ready. I was ready for anything to happen.
Anything. You remeber what you said to me a few solar days before we parted?
You were right. I needed a good frelling.' Chiana's jaw dropped so fast the
only thing preventing it from falling on Moya's floor was the fact it was
still attached to her. Oblivious to her stricken face, Aeryn plowed on, her
eyes gleaming. 'And he gave it to me. Oh, did he ever. Two cycles of pent up
fluids, passion and total consuming lust went out of the air lock the moment
I gave in to him. he ws so good. And it didn't matter one drannit. What did
matter were his arms around me. His breath on my neck. The steady rythm of
his heartbeat during the sleep cycle. He showed me what love was. He taught
me how to love. And I learnt to be loved.'

/Oh, goddess./ To say Chiana was uncomfortable would be an understatement.
She wanted to sink through the leviathan's floor to some dark, murky corner
of the sentient ship. /Where are the Peacekeepers when you really need
them?/ Cycles running from them and not a decent Marauder in sight now that
she could use one. Figures. She didn't even dare to look at Pilot. SHE was
scandalized. And she'd done everything possible with her body at least once.
Pilot must be hiding beneath his op-table by now.

Aeryn was a nova by now. Nothing could stop her tirade. 'What the frelling
human didn't teach me was to cope with the loss of him. Loss wasn't covered
in his crash course on emotions. Even my mother's death was nothing compared
to the feeling of utter desperation and loss which filled me as he died.
Because when I thought she had died, He was by my side to support and guide
me through it.' She was trembling again. But Chiana suspected the reason was
much more visceral than the previous attack had been. 'No. We didn't cover
loss. The rythm of life in Talyn was so frantic we never had time to dwell
on the deeper feelings. He taught me about multiple orgasms and oral sex. I
learnt to crave his touch as he petted me. I learnt to listen to his
pleasure and mapped every tiny metrac of his body. I discovered the joy of
simultaneous climax and to look into his soul as he bared it when he let
himself melt into me. But I didn't learn about loss. Because we couldn't
fathom losing one another. I couldn't.' Aeryn had gradually become more
subdued and once more fell silent. As if her strength had left her.

/Now./ Thought Chiana. /But how do I tell her? Never mind. It can't be that
difficult./ But before she could open her mouth to speak, Aeryn's voice
filled the chamber once more.

'The same way I couldn't face him when I returned. I wasn't strong enough.
He was there in front of me and all I wanted was for him to take me in his
arms and hold me. I wanted him to frell me to the point of exhaustion, where
I wouldn't see his face again. But all I could see was His face, feverish
with radiation, slowly losing all vitality. It would have felt like frelling
a corpse. how sick is that? I needed to sort myself out. They both melted in
my mind to form only one image. And that was the problem. Because if they
were the same, which of course they were, I could never feel his touch on me
again. I would never be held in is arms. And I so wanted to be held,
Chiana.' Aeryn had begun sobbing again, letting the tears trail her cheeks
as she continued talking.

'I want him back, Chiana.' By this time Aeryn was practically wailing. She
was crying so hard. 'I want to be loved by him again. Please tell me what is
wrong with him. What can we do?' Her eyes told of a desperate hope. Clinging
to any and all possibilities. Drawing her in. Hezmana, she didn't even have
to ask or cajole her. Was this how John did it? Just listening? Amazing.

Now it was her turn to be supportive. 'Aeryn, he never stopped loving you.'
Chiana new Aeryn by now, and did not believe for a moment she ahd thought
that love lost. But now was not the time to dwell on that. 'Look, Jool has
found out what the problem is. And there might be a cure. But we need your
help for it to work. No, John needs you. Will you help?' She had her arms
around Aeryn by now. At once supporting her tall frame as well as her now
fragile self. She kept her eyes on those of her Sebacean friend. If she
wasn't a friend after this, when would she be? She saw the resolve come back
slowly into them. Felt the strength return to her stance. A determined look
came over her features as she stood erect and, to Chiana's surprise, hugged

'Let's go find Jool.' She said. And with a nod towards Pilots towering
figure, they left the chamber.


A myriad of emotions swam over Pilot's mind as he commiserated with his
ward. /Yes, Moya. I do believe there may still be a chance for John./




Contact RedLoque/Manny

<< Return to the fiction page

To Become... One

By RedLoque/Manny

Disclaimer: Don't own Farscape. It's Rockne , Kemper & Co. who do. If I did
own it, Claudia and Ben would be traipsing around fulfilling every shippers
dreams. And we would have a 5th season.

Summary: AU. Aeryn comes to terms with her feelings for John. Now she only
has deal with his... if she can.

Rating: PG. Although as we get more into the story it'll become much darker.
So make it PG-13.

Credit: It should go where it's due. The idea is all mine, but the
inspiration was provided by Chris Claremont, Robert A. Heinlein, Frank
Herbert, our own Yen Rug and Alan Moore.

Shout outs: Major shout outs to my two beautiful betas: Amy and Kelly. You
two ladies are the best.

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