One Way Conversation
By Shelley Robinson
I own no part of Farscape or its characters.
first conversation with her unborn child.
the terrace door.
She waved her
hand over the door control. The door opened slowly.
am going to be off my com for a while. Unless it is an emergency,
I don't wish to be disturb."
onto the terrace and waved her hand over the control without looking
back. She walked to the edge of the terrace and stood there for
a moment looking at the stars.
thought it was time that you and I talked."
sitting at the back of the terrace with his back against the wall.
He was going over some notes in his notebook. He was about to respond
to her when he realized she wasn't talking to him. She didn't even
realize he was there. He moved further into the shadows.
down and laid her hand on her stomach.
little baby, you better get use to this. Your mother has a gift
for frelling things up and unfortunately for you, I don't think
that is going to change before you are born."
her stomach. Crichton just watched and listened.
mother (Her eyes lifted and stared off into the distance). That
is what I am going to be, that is what I am, somebody's mother."
A sweet smile
came to her face.
don't mind if I take a load off, do you? I will take your silence
as your approval."
She sat down
and crossed her legs Indian style.
to Chiana's gift for keeping secrets, everybody knows about you
down at her stomach.
I thought it was time for our first mother/baby talk. What do you
for a microt as if waiting for an answer. She smiled.
are very agreeable."
slightly thinking that is not going to last.
have to warn you now baby that I have no idea how to be a mother.
I didn't even know my mother until I was fully grown. I didn't have
parents. I had authority figures."
up at the stars.
taught me to shot straight, to be a damn good pilot and soldier.
But no one taught me how to do this. So I wanted to talk to you
alone, just you and me. I wanted to tell you about me so that when
I frell up your life you will find it in your heart to forgive me,
if you understand why."
on her stomach with the tips of her fingers.
much as I hate to admit it, Crichton is right...he will tell you
he always is but you will know better once you are older."
at her playfulness with the baby.
am no good for him until I figure who out who I am and what I need.
I can't keep going back and forth. It is not fair to him, to me,
and someday to you. I don't even really know what it is I am afraid
of (slight pause) but I have to tell you there are some days when
I am so terrified of what the universe has in store for me that
I want to just curl up in my bed, pull the covers over my head and
not come out. Which if you knew who I was before I came aboard Moya,
is not like me at all. Or may be it is and I just didn't know it
because of the rigidity of my life with the peacekeepers. I didn't
have to think, feel or do anything for myself and I was comfortable
with that. Then I came hear and suddenly there were these people
that forced me to confront what was inside of me. I have to tell
you at first I didn't like what I saw. I wonder if you would have
liked me back then if you knew what I did, what I was capable of
in the name of High Command."
John knew the
right thing to do was to try to get off the terrace but he couldn't
tear himself away.
doesn't understand why I left Moya without telling him about you.
He thinks it was because I was unsure of your parentage. It wasn't.
I know him well enough to know that he will love you for who you
are and not where you came from. It was the choice I was afraid
I might have to some day make that I was afraid of. You see I have
dreamed of my mother all of my life. I had made her this angel in
my mind who had come to me one night when I was just a little girl
and told me that she wanted me and that she and my father loved
me. That did happen but I found out that it came with a price. You
see peacekeeper high command found out that she had a child that
wasn't sanctioned by High Command and in order to save my life she
was forced to kill my father. They made her choose between the man
she loved and the child she brought into this world."
stung from the tears filling them. He had no idea about any of this.
when her retrieval squad caught up to us, she told me that she hated
me because she was forced to kill Talyn and do other things to hold
her commission with the peacekeepers. You will never know what it
feels like to hear the person who helped create you say they hated
you and wished you were never born."
A single tear
caressed the smooth line of Aeryn's cheek.
be too sad though in the end before she died on Valldon she told
me she loved me."
her face. John wanted desperately to go to her but he didn't. He
just sat there.
was my dilemma baby because no matter what I did, or said, or claim
to be. I am still Aeryn Sun, Peacekeeper. What if our enemies, and
there are many, found out or even suspected that John Crichton and
Aeryn Sun had a child. I can't even imagine the life you would be
forced to lead or the choices that I might be force to make. How
could I forgive myself, even worse I could I forgive him? So I left
thinking that may be a part we would have a chance at a life. I
must have been farbot to think that fate would just let me go off
and live in peace with my child by my side. I have to tell that
right now I feel so lost. Baby, I wish you could tell me what to
do with my life."
around the terrace and sighed.
is at least one thing that I have to offer you. That is this family.
I am making sure that you have the kind of home I could have only
dreamed of. (She laid her hand on the floor) This is Moya. She is
our protector, our friend, and our home. The only real home I have
ever known and she will be your home someday. I trust her and Pilot
with my life and now I entrusting them with yours. I know that as
you grow you will come to love them as much, if not more, than I
do. Her corridors will be your playground and his den your learning
family of ours is not an ordinary family in anyway. It is a family
of assorted 'nuts'...to coin a phrase...but they will defend you
with their lives and love you as much as I do. Who are they you
his head and tried not to laugh out loud. He smiled.
I all ready told you about Pilot and Moya, so I guess I should start
with the Captain. His name is Ka D'Argo, Luxan warrior. He is a
really big guy but has the heart to match. In our family I would
consider him my brother. Then there is my sister, Chiana. Chiana
is a thief and seductress, but a good friend and comrade to have
in a fight. Lets just hope anything she should teach you in your
life doesn't land you in a cell. Dominar Rygel (pause). In this
family he is that old farbot uncle that no one speaks of except
in whispers. (She smiled.) What can I possibly tell you about Rygel
that won't send you screaming into the night? When given the opportunity
to be, he is compassionate and very wise. But do yourself a favor
and don't leave any food around him. (She smiled and rubbed her
She fell silent
for a microt.
are members of our family that are lost to us now but I will tell
you all about them and our adventures together. Zhann, Crais, and
Talyn are gone for good but Jool and Stark are just away for now,
I still have hope that they will return someday. Then there are
these other two strays that your fath...that Crichton has picked
up a long the way. I have no idea how to describe them to you. I
will let you figure them out for yourself."
that she almost called him the baby's father.
the most important person you will have in your life besides me
is John Crichton."
forward slightly. He stared at her silhouette on the dimly lit terrace.
is infuriating, frustrating, and at times a pain in the eema but
he is my best friend, my lover, and the stick to which I measure
myself against. He will show and teach you a great many things in
your life but the most important thing, which is a lesson I am still
trying to learn, is how to meet the world with your arms wide open
and without fear."
up slowly. He remained in the shadows by the wall.
baby, I am in love with a man who I can't open up to, at least not
completely, and because of that he doesn't know how to love me anymore.
I hope you never feel like you have to avoid looking in to the eyes
of your friends, your family, because you don't want to see their
disappointment, accusations or judgments."
her hair behind her ears. John had tears brimming his eyes. For
the first time since Aeryn left Moya and returned, he felt like
he was finally seeing her, not the facade she showed everyone.
are not easy for me but I am trying to change that. For you. For
me. For him. So here is the promise I want to make you. I promise
not to frell your life up to badly, if you promise to give me time
and be patient with me. This is going to be new for both of us.
What do you think? Can you do that?"
back on her hands and looked at her flat stomach. She smiled.
will take that as a yes."
rose to her feet.
the way if I forgot to mention it, I can't wait to meet you."
the tears from his face and stepped out of the shadows.
around. She was shocked to see him standing there. She looked over
his shoulder and saw that the door was closed.
you here the whole time?"
He walked up
to her until they were face to face. He wanted to look into her
didn't you tell me you were in here? What were you doing?
why I fell in love with you."
He softly kissed
her cheek and turned to leave the terrace. He opened the door. Aeryn
turned back toward the stars.
over her shoulder at him.
toward her stomach) "Pee Wee is very lucky to have you."
He smiled at
her. She smiled and turned back toward the stars. John left the