FARTSCAPE: A Tale of Flatulence & Food
By Iris Green
© Iris Green 2002
Continued from part 3
through Moya's halls, upset and frustrated and in need of a break.
What he thought had been a wonderful dinner had turned into a nightmare
that he couldn't wake up from. He was ripping them off one
after another as he walked and DRDs scattered as they saw him approaching.
He growled as he passed a few cowering behind a bulkhead and headed
straight for the one place he hoped he'd find a cure.
Zhaan's apothecary and was both relieved and disappointed that it
was empty. He was relieved by the fact that Zhaan would not
be there for him to chase off with his stink. His flatulence
had not relented and was, in fact, becoming more intense.
They were now silent, but their stench compensated for the loss.
He was disappointed that she wasn't there, because he needed her
help to find a cure. As he gazed around at all the bottles
and jars, he knew it would be difficult to find what he needed.
As he started
searching through one of the top shelves he realized he had no idea
what it was he was looking for. There were blue bottles, green
jars, red packages, and leafy orange plants. Everything was
foreign and he didn't know what it was that would do the trick.
"Damn, " he
muttered to himself as he pushed aside more bottles and jars, "Next
time I do a mission like this I gotta remember to pack the Pepto-Bismol."
His stomach did a somersault inside him and he clench it briefly.
"Oh crap, not again."
his head around, looking for the door to Zhaan's cleansing chamber.
But he couldn't find it. And then he remembered there wasn't
one in her apothecary. He groaned and then hurried out of
the chamber, trying to hold off what was ready to come. Running
at top speed and leaping over DRDs in a single bound, he made his
way to the nearest unoccupied cells which was a few tiers down.
It was a matter of microts before he was inside the cleansing chamber
with the door shut, vents open, and his pants down.
He was sure
his relieved sigh echoed throughout Moya ... as well as the grotesque
clangor that followed.
peacefully to her apothecary, greeted by a foul oddor as she stepped
inside. She shook her head at the shelves that were in disarray.
here," she said quietly as she went to straighten up.
the bottles, she vigorously pondered a way to relieve the human
of what was ailing him. There had to be something that would
fix the problems in his digestive system. The Delvian strode
across her apothecary to the far shelves that were usually left
untouched by herself due to lack of use. She examined the
bottles that were there, trying to remember what each liquid and
to talk to John a bit more if I am to find the solution."
And then she wrinkled her nose at the thought of finding him.
Still, it had
to be done.
With a scented
cloth over her nostrils, she set out to find John, heading in the
direction a half-rusted DRd had just come from. *This way.*
She found the
empty cell he was in in no time because more DRDs had been scurrying
from that direction. Zhaan cautiously entered the room and
noticed the cleansing chamber door was closed. She moved closer
and soon was able to hear a fierce grunting coming from behind the
door. This was followed by a sigh and then plopping noises
and the sound of something splashing into something else.
She shook her head and tried to continue.
Okay, this is getting gross. Even for me. Yucky!)
called out, "Are you in there?" Zhaan knew it was him, but
still felt it necessary to confirm.
" He paused to groan and grunt and relieve himself, "It's me."
She tried to
suppress the need to vomit. "I want to um, to help you."
this for a moment. "No thanks. I wouldn't want to kill
you with my stench. You never know what effects this ..."
Another burst and groan. "... might have on plants."
up a little, deciding he could be right. "Yes, John, but this
can not be good for yourself either."
to listen for a response. There was some ruffling, followed
by a groan, and then the sound of the receptacle flushing.
The door to the cleansing chamber opened moments later and John's
overwhelming stench flew out. Zhaan braced herself against
you can't stand this." He wanted to help right her, but feared
She stood up
again. "I'm quite fine." Zhaan still moved back a bit.
"But I'd like to help you by at least finding a compound that would
I'm sure there's no Pepto or Immodium here in the UT."
her head. Her microbes didn't catch a word he had said.
"Well, uh, perhaps not, but I still might be able to create some
sort of solution." She dared a step closer. "But I need
to know certain things about your species first," her nose and face
wrinkled at the next thought, "And I would need samples to work
Zhaan wanted to.
END OF PART
shall come soon and a mass amount of reviews will be what heralds
it. So in other words, no reviews, no fifth part.
Actually, my stomach and tolerance for gross-ness will be the
deciding factor. This is becoming more gross than ever thought
possible. Oh well. I'll survive.
bird, came down one day,
And landed on, my windowsill.
I lured him in, with a piece of bread,
And then I smashed his LITTLE HEAD!"
reminiscing about all these songs my odd uncle
taught me before he got me hooked on scifi)
continues with part 5 >>
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