FARTSCAPE: A Tale of Flatulence & Food
By Iris Green
© Iris Green 2002
The tiny Hynerian
floated regally around the galley, placing the marjoohl after marjoohl
on the platter and then piling up the second tray with bowls of
the second Hynerian delicacy he had prepared. It was his turn
to prepare the evening meal, or so they said. Rygel didn't
really think that it was a matter of who's turn it was ... it was
a matter of them serving him. But nonetheless, the Peacekeeper
and her farhbot human had pushed and shoved him into the galley
and insisted it was his turn. Not that I mind so much ...
after all, if I'm the one doing the preparing, no one will notice
if I sample the cooking. With that thought he slipped
a handful of marjoohls into his mouth and then rearranged the plate
so it looked as full as it had before. I deserve more food
anyway. I'm royalty and I have three stomachs to fill.
He picked up the first tray and floated towards the table where
his fellow crew members would soon be assembling. Setting
it down, he turned and went back for the second. Rygel carefully
placed the tray full of bowls on the table, being careful not to
spill any of the precious liquid in side. Nekcihc Puos was
an extreme rarity in Hyneria, made only by the best chefs and made
only for the most important of Hynerians. That most important
Hynerian being him. I just hope I got the recipe right.
One by one
each crew member steadily filtered into the galley after Rygel's
announcement that the evening meal was ready. He watched as
they each passed through the door, siting in their respective places
around table. The first one to enter was Zhaan, followed closely
by Stark. She nodded to Rygel and then, looking at the table,
seemed to be fairly pleased with what she saw. They
both sat down and then Chiana came bounding through the door.
"Hey your Royal
Frogness," she giggled, "What did ya cook up?"
and a Hynerian specialty," he answered proudly.
to look at the table and shrugged, not really caring as long as
there was food to eat, and then sat, saving a spot next to her for
D'Argo. In the meantime D'Argo entered, not even regarding
the small Dominar on his throne as he moved toward the table, sitting
next to Chiana. The last to come piling into the small galley
was Crichton and Aeryn. They look as if they've been busy,
Rygel noted, catching sight of their disheveled appearance and flustered
looks. Smell like it too. They moved past him and sat
down in the last seats, eliciting a low growl from D'Argo as they
"Hey man, it's
not my fault you happened to be walking down that corridor," John
"You have chambers.
Why can't you use them," D'Argo griped.
forward and waggled her fork at him, "We'll start using ours when
you and Chiana start using yours."
as Chiana attempted to respond. But before she could utter
a word Rygel cleared his throat and hovered at the end of the table.
He glanced at everyone, their eyes fixed on him, awaiting whatever
it was he had to say.
... you may eat."
after a moment of silence. "Well thanks for the go ahead there,
Sparky." He reached for a handful of little purplish brown
things on a platter and dropped them on his plate. Aeryn turned
up her nose at them. "What?"
to eat those? All of those?"
"Is there a
smugly and shook her head, grabbing a bowl full of dull, greenish
colored liquid from the other dish. "No, no problem."
into the food and ate well, despite the food's not so palpable appearance.
"So, uh, Sparky,
what is this stuff?" John asked, taking his fourth bowlful of Nekcihc
Puos. No one else seemed to want their, John was hungry, and
things tended to even themselves out.
"It's a Hynerian
delicacy .. Nekcihc Puos," he stated.
pondered this as he swallowed another spoonful of the liquid.
"Not too bad."
Aeryn was still
smirking at him as he licked the fourth bowl clean. John ignored
her and took a swig of his drink.
As the evening
wore on and dinner ended, everyone began leaving the central chamber
to either go back to their own, or to wherever else they may have
needed to be. D'Argo and Chiana left together and headed for
command, it being their duty shift. Stark had already wandered
off by the time Zhaan retired to her room to meditate, and even
Rygel had grown weary. John and Aeryn were left behind to
clean up, though cleaning up was the last thing on their minds.
stationed on a counter top, John engaged in a fierce session of
tongue-dueling with the woman he loved. Her legs were wrapped
reflexively around his waist, holding him close, and John splayed
his fingers across her back, under her shirt. Their kiss continued
to deepen and the distance between their bodies lessened with each
passing microt. John knew that neither of them would be able
to hold out any longer without going at it right there, so he reluctantly
broke their fiery kiss and tried to catch his breath. Their
lips parted, both of them panting and sucking in air.
"Maybe we should
take this back to our chambers," John breathed.
answered shortly, taking in a deep breath.
He slid his
hands under her and picked her up, her legs tightening their hold.
Then they started out of the galley.
she said suddenly before they even made it out of the room.
back at them and shook his head. "Oh well."
They both grinned
as they continued down the hall.
End of PART
was something ... And PART TWO is going to really live up to the
Hope you guys enjoyed this. And I hope this will help me
keep my sanity.
Review and review and even email me if you like and I'll get PART
TWO up ASAP.
last, to make the end most sweet."
King Richard II, Act I Sc III
continues with part 2 >>
Return to the fiction page